Giving Up

It’s been a tough morning. A very poorly squab (baby pigeon) arrived at weekend. I named her Spirit because she was freezing cold, had terrible Canker and looked like she wouldn’t make the night. She did make the night, and the next one. Yesterday, despite treatment, I noticed that the Canker was getting worse. I tried everything I could but crop canker is the worst kind and this morning Spirit had passed away.

Running a rescue we lose birds – they wouldn’t come in if they were healthy as a general rule. It’s hard and every time we grieve a little. This time it hit my even more because it’s been a tough few years and sometimes I just want to have faith that everything I do matters.

A good friend of mine dropped off some birds last night. He said that sometimes he just wants to put his head in his hands and say he gives up. It’s something that I think every rescuer goes through and it’s a huge testament to his strength that he never does. What would the world do without people who tried their hardest?

Spirit was just that – a little fighting spirit trapped in a failing body. She did what she could to keep going and in the end she didn’t give in or give up – she just allowed herself the peace she had been fighting to hold at bay for a little longer.

Today I am tired, upset and dreading what the day is going to bring as I do most days at the moment. I feel like giving up – even though I know I won’t. There’s still so much to fight for – still so many little spirits out there who are going to need people to fight for them.

I can’t promise I’ll never give up – some years the amount of obstacles thrown in my path start to seem insurmountable – but I can promise that I will keep going for as long as I can with rescuing. I’ll keep fighting and I’ll keep working as hard as I can. Like my friend said last night – we might want to put our head in our hands and give up but we don’t.

There is so much to look forward to even if it seems like tiny pinpricks of light in a very dark view. Myself and Patrick from Ainsworth Wildlife Rescue are planning to do a series of podcasts when social distancing allows. For two people who can’t hold a full conversation without bursting into laughter I can promise it will be entertaining.